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‘BUILD THE SPIRE HIGHER!’

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Why students at SMC are pushing for a Death Spire

By Connor Torpey

Arts & Culture Editor

A rusty spike laden tower pierces the sky, the bones of what was once a junior are being cleaned of their flesh by a rabid tiger, and fear grips the locals who see this mile high structure out in the distance from what should be the comfort of their homes. This is the dream of many students here at Saint Michael’s College.

When arriving back on campus this semester one would be met with a strange sight. Students with picket signs were marching up and down the campus sidewalks, brows furrowed in determination. “BUILD THE SPIRE OR WE WON’T TIRE!” they hollered as their signs bounced up and down, all bearing the name “DEATH SPIRE”.

This Death Spire movement supposedly started as far back as October when Saint Michael’s campus was locked down due to alarming amounts of COVID cases on campus. Students were looking for solace and hope in the bleak darkness that had covered the campus. In its depressing silence, an idea was sparked, an idea that would overcome the dullness of a COVID shut down. This idea was the Death Spire.

The Death Spire can be described as a giant rusty nail that extends almost a mile into the sky and would be located between the Three’s Field and Ross/Tarrent gym. Covered in spikes and nails of varying shapes and sizes as well as a plethora of deadly booby traps, it would immediately oppress anyone who dare have the courage to look upon its vastness. The goal would be to climb to the top and survive all the trials and obtain a valuable prize (A Cumberland Farms gift card, coupon for a free Dunkin Donut, a large stuffed bear, etc.) here are, however, many disagreements about the description of the Death Spire. What traps should it have? How many traps should it have? Should it have traps at all? The most divisive design choice is whether or not it should have an interior. The Interiorists and Purists are conflicting factions that cannot agree on the right option.

“An interior provides an alternative option for those who are not as ready physically for the challenge of climbing the tower, and want a more mental challenge,” said Mille Hardwell, current junior and leader of the Interiorists. “The interior would be a maze full of puzzles and traps that only the smartest of students could figure out,” Hardwell added. Upon being asked about her opinion of the Purists she responded, “The Purists views on the spire are outdated. Their view that the tower can only be climbed on the outside, and that excludes people who may want to climb the tower, but aren’t able too because of the state of physical being. That is why we have the maze so it’s more easily accessible to people, but still just as deadly.”

When talking to Chris McArthur, a senior and leader of the Purist movement, he said, “The original idea for the death spire was for it to be climbed on the outside for the prize on top, as someone would scale a pizza hut for a whiff from the chimney. We want to keep this original vision, because we think it makes more sense. First of all building an interior filled with traps and puzzles would be extremely expensive. It would be very difficult to get that money and would make it far less attractive to the college to do. Also, the idea of the Death Spire is to watch and root on your friends as they defy death to go and claim victory against all odds. But, with an interior it’s no longer a spectator sport. You can’t see someone going in through the bowels of the tower. You just have to guess and wait to see if they make it out. Unfortunately, Millie and her followers have lost sight of this very important aspect of the tower.”

Administrators at school are not exactly fans of the prospect of this Death Spire. “The Death Spire is a ridiculous idea,” said Dr. Sosana Dourkoffski head of Student Proposed Structures. “The idea of students falling to their deaths on our campus under our watch. I mean who’s going to clean it all up? The grounds keeping staff have enough work as it is cleaning up after students, but now they have to clean up the students themselves! That’s just asking for too much.”

Despite the administrative backlash, students are still pushing hard for a way to counter the COVID blues. I have even been informed that as soon as The Student Government Association is back up and running there will be a bill passed to try to fund the Saint Michael’s Death Spire. Now I know I’m not supposed to give my opinion on this being a reporter and all, but personally I believe that this is a terrible idea. I mean a tower that people climb that leads to their death? That’s awful! Now an obelisk that people climb to their death, that I can get behind!

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